Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Ambulance Turbulence

Hi, I am calling from 245, Punchmeal Park, near the Round gol chakkar. This is emergency; my brother has a lot of pain in the chest. We suspect it's a heart attack. Please come over quickly. (Hangs up)

Mr. Gilgit had a mild heart attack! Strong or mild, a heart attack is a heart attack. The ambulance has reached in time and Mr. Gilgit is being rushed. I suspect he'll be okay. But who cares what I suspect. Alright, the status check tells me the hospital is about 12 kms away, and they might encounter some traffic.

At the same time, there are atleast 2 drivers on the MG road who are sick of this traffic... this life... they just want to end this daily piece of torture... but, as a matter of fact... that's what they think everyday, in traffic. Don't worry. They're harmless, just irritated souls.

Soon, there is a wooooooooooooooo woooooooooooooo wooooooooooo woooooooooo whooooooooooo on the MG road. The traffic makes way for the ambulance to pass. Most of the drivers giving way have this happy feeling—they think they did their share for the humanity.

At the same time, those 2 pissed-off drivers I told you about see an opportunity. They want to follow the ambulance like it's shadow. You know, people will give way to the ambulance and these gentlemen, too, will be able to scramble through easily. Isn't it normal? Well, that's quite normal on Delhi roads. Where there's an ambulance, there are multiple people behind it immeditely.

Coming back to the situation. These 2 drivers chase the ambulance. A split second saves them from crashing into each other. But, who wants to give up? Who wants his ego hurt? So, they are both trying to throw each other off the ambulance's trail. Stiff competition I must say. Nasty stares and nastier abuses. This is huge. They act as if they both have a relative inside that woooooooo van. And the one who manages to stay closer to the ambulance; his relative survives.

Let's now add to the situation. I see a 3rd car attempting to do what the 1st and the 2nd are doing. Let's say the 3rd driver cherishes the spot behind the ambulance equally.

Status check, 3 kms to the hospital and the ambulance is being dearly chased by 3 cars... rest of the traffic giving way to the ambulance... and feeling good about it.

Continuing with the tussle saga, apparently, one of the first two drivers has claimed the real estate behind the van, while the other is still trying hard, while the third (new entrant) is struggling to match pace. Meanwhile, Mr Gilgit is feeling better, unaware of the things his state caused... rather, causing.

Status check:
Car 1 - Ha ha ha. Take that you piece of shit. Now, you must follow your daddy, me.
Car 2 - Fuck... I really need to beat this a$$ h*** now.
Car 3 - I need to be quick. I wish these guys moved away.
Ambulance Driver (singing with the radio) - Bidi jalai le....
Mr. Gilgit - O God, will I survive? Forgive me for my sins, if any.
Car 4, 5 and 6 (random cars nearby) - O god, please bless the patient. look at these f%$^ chasing the ambulance.

Creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeechhhhhhh... booooooooooom... thuddddddddddddddd... bhadhaaaaaam.... dhadhaaaaam...

Cars 1 and 2 have collided. Car 3 has crashed into car 2. Car 4 has gone into car 3. Car 5 has just managed to save itself from the mess. Car 7 (another random car) is being driven by a psycho who's extremely happy at the sight of a live accident. Cars 8 onwards are keen on watching the follow-up action.

Isn't it obvious what the follow-up action is? My guess is car 1 and 2 will beat the hell out of each other. Car 4 will kick car 3's ass. Something similar happens. Total mess.

At the hospital... Mr Gilgit has just been admitted. The doctor is looking for Gilgit's family members to fill the admission form.

Noone's around.

They were last seen sitting in car 3, trying to get as close to the ambulance as possible... but unfortunately crashed into another car... and got engulfed in a chain reaction of accidents.



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