Thursday, February 18, 2010

In Doctor Thoo's View

Recently, a unique research was conducted by doctor Thoo of China.

According to Thoo, his men had invented a machine that could be strapped around a human's body... after which it gathered a very strange kind of information. The machine ascertained the top two words most spoken by the human in his/her entire life.

Moreover, the results were in the language spoken by the person. Thoo decided to travel around the world and conduct his research on men.

About 24 countries participated in his research. The results were nothing much to talk about. As expected, out of the difference in culture, most men had different 'top 2'. Men from the same country did not throw consistent results; forget about finding matches in other countries. Thoo was not very impressed untill he reached India.

The results obtained on Indian men were amazingly consistent... and led Thoo to view Indian men differently from that point onward.

Here are some of the test results...
Australian Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Mate
The Second-Most Spoken Word: Fuck
American Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Coffee
The Second-Most Spoken Word: Holy
Japanese Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Technology
The Second-Most Spoken Word: Kimono
Chinese Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Chowmein
The Second-Most Spoken Word: ideechivaa (yet to be translated)

British Men
The Most-Spoken Word: *$#@&$@
The Second-Most Spoken Word: $#@%%$

(no, that's not profanity... with the heavy accent on display, the machine just could not figure out)

... and finally

Indian Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Sister (बहेन)
The Second-Most Spoken Word: Mother (मादर)

Doctor Thoo has published his reports in the papers with the headline 'Indian men - family men'. I so wish his machine could report on the words (read: word) spoken immediately after the top two Indian words.

Friday, February 5, 2010

What the Ufffff

Have you ever analyzed the irritants in your life? Are they big/small/worth it?
I did an analysis of the petty things that turn me into a freak. I am wondering if it is ok for me to be pissed at the following:

1. When some unknown person calls and says 'aap kaun bol rahe hai'. Man... Even writing about this is making me angry. Why should I tell him/her 'mai kaun bol raha hoo'? You called, you tell me aap kaun ho... mai kyo bolu? bhaad mei jao!

2. When I have to go back to check whether I locked the car... though I know I would have done it subconsciously in the first go. But, it's so irritating to go back... and always find it locked. This is such a dilemma that I can't even risk not going back thinking the car must be locked.

3. When people say random shitty lines and make them sound like universal statements of truth by adding 'it's all about'. For example: Life is all about caring. Cricket is all about angles. Love is all about respecting... bullshit bullshit bullshit

4. When someone who's met with an accident tells you something like 'I got hit by a...'. Trust me, I have never heard anyone say 'I hit a truck'. Everybody keeps getting hit... only god knows who's been hitting them.

5. When my side-view mirror moves because of contact with some external force. Imagine this - you are a fucking awesome driver who uses all the bloody mirrors available. You are driving to some place alone and suddenly, a cycle wala brushes past the mirror of the non-driver side and the whole angle gets screwed. Now, you cant reach the mirror to adjust it... and you cant drive without it. So disgusting I must say.

6. When you are getting some work done by someone and on asking him/her the cost, the person says 'jo aapko theek lage, utne de do'. Now, there's a situation to be handled. You don't know what is the fair price and you don't want to end up overpaying either. To add, the person is looping the statement and the call is entirely yours.

7. When you were super drunk the previous night, are burping of some food in the morning, and can't make out what exactly did you eat. Haha. I know this one is terrifically weird. But I have had that feeling at times... and have often failed in the what-I-ate-last-night-that's-burping-now test.

So, how justified am I to get irritated by these? Do you relate to my despair?

Liked the post? You might also like Annoying Me, Easily (similar post).

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