Monday, December 28, 2009

My First Invention: The F-Cutter

Welcome back!

I always wanted to invent something. The idea was to give something back to life. Something weird... but still useful...

I do have something now. Let me assure you this is the first of my 'n' number of inventions I have planned to detonate. I have the blueprint ready. I will now explain my first invention, the 'F-Cutter'.

Take a look at the image. This is the F-Cutter... a mini stadium/chamber kind of a structure... call it what you like. The F-Cutter is a fat-cutting mechanism. This is how it works:

A person (fatso in the image) enters the F-Cutter. Next moment, the killer spikes start moving toward the fatso.

The fatso, in order to protect himself/herself from the spikes, has to start running. The path, as seen here, is circular. This means that the fatso HAS TO keep running untill the spikes stop. Now, one must note that these are real deadly spikes... so you can't possibly fool around with them. The only option is to run.

Everyday, a person could use the F-Cutter for jogging/running... by simply entering the time duration (along with the desired speed for the spikes) in the Digital Data Feeder... all, at the risk of life of course...

This invention is ONLY for those who CAN exercise but DONT, just out of laze.

There are some other items in the image that I should tell you about. Just in case a person is killed... there are blood drainage facilities at all sections of the chamber. Moreover, body disposal facilities are also available (for people of all religion).

Last, I have some free space... this will be used for advertising purposes once I get some sponsors. I hope my invention (or its variant) gets translated to reality so that people can benefit from it.

(Note: Being crazy is cool... being fat is not!)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Spot the Assholes

Hey! Long time.

Look, we all agree there are assholes on our roads. They are roaming around freely... messing around with rules, our minds, and everything else...

I thought I'd do this post to spot some assholes.

In order to do this, I will take use of my hand-drawn images on paint. My observations:

Type 1 (the other-way): If it's a single road shared by both directions, these assholes prevail. When they find their lane is not moving, they take it to the other lane (meant for the opposite trafic). Now, these assholes don't realize that they block the opposite traffic... which further blocks the traffic in their original lane... which eventually blocks the whole fucking road. The main culprits in this category are the assholes who initiate the movement to the other lane... only to be followed by other like-minded assholes. Here's a pictorial representation of what I mean. Spot the assholes - They are in red.

Type 2 (the contradiction in requirement and reality): If you were to turn left at the next turn, which lane would you be driving in? Left-most? Even center at times? But someone care to tell me what the fuck would you be doing in the right-most lane in the same situation. All you'd do is halt all the traffic that needs to go right/straight—look at others as if they have sinned by coming in your way—and go through them to your destined turn. Spot the asshole - He is in blue.

Type 3 (the stop-everything warriors): You do not care more for anything other than that slight dent or scratch  given to you by a fellow commuter. Yes, you have to stop the car right there, in the middle of the traffic, and catch hold of the guy you could beat up for that dent. What do you end up doing? You block the whole fucking lane... and if it's a narrow road, you block the whole of it. Come on. Someone out there could be in real hurry... yeah, do you even care? In green.

Type 4 (the UNscrupulous): Okay, the signal has turned red. It does not make any difference to you, as usual. However, for once,you decide to be the follower this time. Be the man. Be the principled guy. What do you do, of course you stop. But where? Meters ahead of the zebra line. Just look at yourself, you have almost cross the road... why bothering to stop now? Just go on man. Spot the assholes - in this weird color... magenta or something.

Type 5 (the protruders): Well, they think they're doing the biggest favor to you by letting you pass. These guys are mainly found on turns... waiting to join into the main traffic. What do they do? They try to get their vehicles into the action inch by inch. Slowly, you realize they are so much on the road that you ought to stop and let them be a part of the warfare. Spot the assholes - red.

Type 6 (the slow motion): Ah! These guys promote road rage the most. They have to be at their slowest in the fastest lane. They often successfully manage to keep the rest of the traffic at pace with them. Usually, old uncle aunties are discovered in such vehicles... and at times you do apologize to yourself for abusing unknowingly... but then there are others too who do this. These assholes often end up getting killer stares by people who manage to scrape through. I say this - at least give way... or drive on the left or some place else... Yellow please.

Type 7 (the double-slow motion): Oh I hate this one. Another category of road-rage promoters. Imagine two guys in front of you... covering the whole passage... and driving slow... and on top of it - at EXACT same speed. Usually, in the given situation, you dont know which of the two drivers to curse. Both are equal assholes. Pink.

.... Lastly, let me tell you about the biggest category of assholes... and these are us. Coz either we tolerate other assholes or become like them. That's it. We don't do anything to correct the situation.

If all of us stick to what's right and not follow other assholes... the other assholes will soon start following us.

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All the pictures and contents on Dusht-ka-Drishtikone are protected by Copyright Law and should not be reproduced, published or displayed without the explicit prior written permission from the sole author of the blog, Kshitij Khurana.