Friday, October 15, 2010

Sadistic Maids

This is no story.

This is a real-life account of what's been happening to me over the past one year. It takes great courage for me to write about it. I never thought I'd reveal this but...

'my maids torture me'

Yes! I have said it now. I do feel a little relieved, but that, in no way, reduces the hurt I carry. My friends, it's true, I am being tortured by two of my maids on a consistent basis. I will tell you what exactly they are doing... but before that, you need to know something else too...

'they torture me through my ceiling fan'

Of course you did not understand what that meant. But you will, soon. They both are using my ceiling fan as an equipment to torture me. Let me do a profile on both of them and tell you what they are up to.

Maid Number 1 - The name's Pramila. She's a middle-aged woman who is responsible for doing jharu pocha every day. Her accent is so complicated that I have to repeat her words in my mind to make some sense of the information she intends to pass. Mostly, I'd prefer she has nothing to say to me.

Talking about the torture she inflicts - Every day, without fail... I need to pause here and put extra emphasis on without fail... To continue - she switches the fan off for jharu... and never... I need to pause again and put extra emphasis on never... switches it back on. Every single day!

-I have tried most of the ways of telling her this switching-on-again needs to be done, but she is deaf I think.
-And if she isn't deaf, the information doesn't reach her brain I think.
-And if the information reaches her brain, it fails to interpret the intended message I think.

Whatever! I feel harassed every day. I have to get up and do it myself while cursing her in my thoughts and agony. On the right is a secret pic I took of my tormenter.
 
Yesterday, my dad was seemingly angry at something. He was howling... errr... shouting. I reached his room to check 'wassup pitaji'? All he said was, 'iss pramila ko sau baar samjhaya hai pankha chalu kare... par kabhi nahi karti'
 
So you can see what mess we are in. Let's talk about maid number 2.
 
Maid Number 2 - He is in his twenties and named Shyamal. He cleans uninhabited areas of the house every Sunday. One of his usual chores is to clean the ceiling fans. And this is exactly how he targets me.
 
Picture this: I am lying on my bed, sleeping/watching tv/laptopping etc. It's all good. Suddenly this guy comes with a home ladder (don't know what else to call it) and starts cleaning the fan with a cloth... dropping all the dirt on this poor little harmless blogger on the bed. Whatever's on fan - finds me in moments.

And I look at him like a person staring at a bird who pooped on him. All clueless and helpless. Why do you do it Shyamal? Why don't you ask me to move away before firing the dirt bullets through the forces of gravity?

I have clicked this tormenter too... and just when he is at it. Check it out.

Can you feel my pain? Even while clicking the pic, there was something crap coming in my direction. A video of this scene would have accounted better for the brutality, I think.

Mind you, this particular tormenter is so fierce that he does not care even if I am eating something. I am a lowly creature, it seems.

So, did you get it?
My maids are harassing me.
Please help!

7 comments:

  1. Ha ha..very nice n hilarious! You have explained ur pain really well..an "aam" person can easily relate to it i guess. The agony faced coz of tormenter no. 1 is faced by most of us i guess.
    Well written! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ROFL!! :D :D
    Hilarious Kshitij!! :D
    Sorry, can't/won't help... if you get the solution to this, we will not get a good dose of laughter!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. I used to face the same problem at my parents place..

    Options:
    - Lock the Door ( they took to banging)
    - Lock the door and ignore the banging for a few days... they might give up
    - wear headphones along with the above.
    - Pay your maid money separately to turn the fan on! - Seriously!! I paid my maid for knocking on my door before entering... it worked. Tell her it's just for a month - 50 bucks... and summer would have passed :)

    Tell us how it goes! Haha but she has also managed to bug Hitler! Lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. ROFL!!!! Er, why don't you just lift your a** and switch the fan on yourself???!!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. ROFLOL!! keku, tht was hilarious!! well written and i could completely relate to it. Guess its part of the induction kit maid's go thru...cz they are all the same!! -- Anjali

    ReplyDelete
  6. ROFL dude.... pramila "the ultimate convict" great yaar

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ Jam - Thanks J. Long time no comments from you. But, wait... really? Is this kind of stuff common? I thought I was alone.

    @ Shilpa - That's not a nice way to look at it. Maybe I might be able to produce something you like more once am free from the shackles of the demonic maids.

    @ Anonymous - okay! I see that you have tried to help me. Let's look at your points:
    -Lock the door: Not feasible mate. The room needs to be cleaned. It's my loss if I do that.
    -Lock and ignore: LOL, this will proliferate the problem I stated above.
    -Lock and ignore and wear headphones: No comments
    -Pay separately to switc it on: Yeah. This sounds a bit new. I thnink I should ask her what she wants for doing that. Will check. Thanks.

    By the way, what do you mean by she has managed to bug hitler? Oh, wait, who are you, before anythying else? Thanks for being here... and making me thankful and curious at the same time.

    @ Pal - O come on Pal. Next thing you'd tell me to lift my ass and move out of the range of tormenter number 2.. wont you? ;p

    Of course I have been switching it on myself. :)

    @ Anjali - Wow! Look who commented. :) Yes, ahujaji, we should send them to a bootcamp.

    @ Mag - Thanks dude. But am not sure what you mean; lol :)

    ReplyDelete

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