Sunday, August 29, 2010

Aah Want a New Technology

This post is my submission to HP's 'My Demand contest' on Indiblogger. The contest simply wants participants to think of a new technology... and demand the same! My demand follows...
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"And the judge has sentenced the chief minister Papayawati to 20 years of rigorous imprisonment for causing 29, 384 lakhs Aah of pain to the people of Uttar Pradesh."
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I want a technology that measures things that we allege to be non-measurable. Basically, I want everything to be measurable!

Pain, Love, Hate, Boredom, Anger, Corruption, and so on... can you measure them?

...wouldn't it be great if you could measure everything non-countable as well?
...and how about a unit of measurement for everything?

Confused? Let me explain. Since Papaywati caused pain; let me use 'pain' as my example.

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Pain should be measurable from now on, physical or mental. The unit of pain, I propose, should be 'Aah' (as you see in the judge's verdict above). And we should have some basic thresholds like anything above 50 Aah is severe.

So, all I want is a technology to measure pain in Aah. Note that Aah does not take a plural form - it does not become Aahs. (And why? Ask the creator please...)

Now sample this: 'Mom, dad just fell down in the porch... and he is having a pain of 28 Aah.'

To which mom replies, 'relax son. 28 is less. Remember - it has to be 50 or more to be serious!!!'
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And here are some other usages I could think of:

a. Office Gossip: I heard Rita had 88 Aah of pain during her labor. God! She must be brave.

b. School: Ma'm, I did not come to school yesterday because I had a stomach ache of 36 Aah... and here's the certificate.

c. Lovers: 'I could go through hundreds of Aah for you.'

d. Death: 'O.. I have been hit by a bullet... and it's really painful'...to which the listener would respond, 'yes, I can see. 91 Aah it is. O, and it's increasing'.

e. Facebook Status Message: 'Had a 36 Aah toothache today'.
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...and so on. Make it measurable, will you.

Okay, here's a bonus example: I had 49 Aah of pain in my head after reading this post ...and you know where that comment goes, don't you?

But yes - I firmly believe... everything should be measurable. I would also propose the unit of love as 'dil'. I love my blog more than 99 dils.

Bring on the technology please.

8 comments:

  1. nice simple post... crisp

    Hi, I'm an Indiblogger. Plz vote for "Pee for Petrol" on http://digs.by/c6CRNr I bet u'll like it. Plz Retweet. Thank You

    ReplyDelete
  2. @ J - Thanks J. Gareeb ki jholi mei tumhara comment bahumulya hai.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beta tu brilliantly likhta hai. Tera iq level 120 se upar hi hoga. Umm creativity mein you are 90 c points. But networking and advertisement mein on a scale of 1 to 50, 49 kaddus hain.(the lesser the kaddus , the better). yaar! link diya kar fb mein

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  4. Haha. Tuu Kaddu.
    Thanks.
    And double thanks for posting the link on FB.

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  5. Good thought....by the way, "Dols" is the unit of measure of pain ... it has been there for a while...I would want the measures of love and hate! That would be fun to know...I have you15 Grrrrs or I love you 25 Muas .... he he :)

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  6. Haha. Yes, I read about Dols.

    See, that's the difference between an educated PM and an imaginative ID :)

    I like the hate unit proposed by you. 'Grr'

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  7. Aah! If only we could measure emotions - simple and clear.... it would solve a lot of problems! Possibly create new ones ;-) but that's a different issue altogether :-)

    ReplyDelete

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