29 August, 2010

Aah Want a New Technology

This post is my submission to HP's 'My Demand contest' on Indiblogger. The contest simply wants participants to think of a new technology... and demand the same! My demand follows...
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"And the judge has sentenced the chief minister Papayawati to 20 years of rigorous imprisonment for causing 29, 384 lakhs Aah of pain to the people of Uttar Pradesh."
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I want a technology that measures things that we allege to be non-measurable. Basically, I want everything to be measurable!

Pain, Love, Hate, Boredom, Anger, Corruption, and so on... can you measure them?

...wouldn't it be great if you could measure everything non-countable as well?
...and how about a unit of measurement for everything?

Confused? Let me explain. Since Papaywati caused pain; let me use 'pain' as my example.

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Pain should be measurable from now on, physical or mental. The unit of pain, I propose, should be 'Aah' (as you see in the judge's verdict above). And we should have some basic thresholds like anything above 50 Aah is severe.

So, all I want is a technology to measure pain in Aah. Note that Aah does not take a plural form - it does not become Aahs. (And why? Ask the creator please...)

Now sample this: 'Mom, dad just fell down in the porch... and he is having a pain of 28 Aah.'

To which mom replies, 'relax son. 28 is less. Remember - it has to be 50 or more to be serious!!!'
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And here are some other usages I could think of:

a. Office Gossip: I heard Rita had 88 Aah of pain during her labor. God! She must be brave.

b. School: Ma'm, I did not come to school yesterday because I had a stomach ache of 36 Aah... and here's the certificate.

c. Lovers: 'I could go through hundreds of Aah for you.'

d. Death: 'O.. I have been hit by a bullet... and it's really painful'...to which the listener would respond, 'yes, I can see. 91 Aah it is. O, and it's increasing'.

e. Facebook Status Message: 'Had a 36 Aah toothache today'.
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...and so on. Make it measurable, will you.

Okay, here's a bonus example: I had 49 Aah of pain in my head after reading this post ...and you know where that comment goes, don't you?

But yes - I firmly believe... everything should be measurable. I would also propose the unit of love as 'dil'. I love my blog more than 99 dils.

Bring on the technology please.

8 comments:

  1. nice simple post... crisp

    Hi, I'm an Indiblogger. Plz vote for "Pee for Petrol" on http://digs.by/c6CRNr I bet u'll like it. Plz Retweet. Thank You

    ReplyDelete
  2. @ J - Thanks J. Gareeb ki jholi mei tumhara comment bahumulya hai.

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  3. Beta tu brilliantly likhta hai. Tera iq level 120 se upar hi hoga. Umm creativity mein you are 90 c points. But networking and advertisement mein on a scale of 1 to 50, 49 kaddus hain.(the lesser the kaddus , the better). yaar! link diya kar fb mein

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  4. Haha. Tuu Kaddu.
    Thanks.
    And double thanks for posting the link on FB.

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  5. Good thought....by the way, "Dols" is the unit of measure of pain ... it has been there for a while...I would want the measures of love and hate! That would be fun to know...I have you15 Grrrrs or I love you 25 Muas .... he he :)

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  6. Haha. Yes, I read about Dols.

    See, that's the difference between an educated PM and an imaginative ID :)

    I like the hate unit proposed by you. 'Grr'

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  7. Aah! If only we could measure emotions - simple and clear.... it would solve a lot of problems! Possibly create new ones ;-) but that's a different issue altogether :-)

    ReplyDelete

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