Thursday, February 18, 2010

In Doctor Thoo's View

Recently, a unique research was conducted by doctor Thoo of China.

According to Thoo, his men had invented a machine that could be strapped around a human's body... after which it gathered a very strange kind of information. The machine ascertained the top two words most spoken by the human in his/her entire life.

Moreover, the results were in the language spoken by the person. Thoo decided to travel around the world and conduct his research on men.

About 24 countries participated in his research. The results were nothing much to talk about. As expected, out of the difference in culture, most men had different 'top 2'. Men from the same country did not throw consistent results; forget about finding matches in other countries. Thoo was not very impressed untill he reached India.

The results obtained on Indian men were amazingly consistent... and led Thoo to view Indian men differently from that point onward.

Here are some of the test results...
o
Australian Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Mate
The Second-Most Spoken Word: Fuck
o
American Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Coffee
The Second-Most Spoken Word: Holy
o
Japanese Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Technology
The Second-Most Spoken Word: Kimono
o
Chinese Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Chowmein
The Second-Most Spoken Word: ideechivaa (yet to be translated)

British Men
The Most-Spoken Word: *$#@&$@
The Second-Most Spoken Word: $#@%%$

(no, that's not profanity... with the heavy accent on display, the machine just could not figure out)
.
.
.
.
.

... and finally

Indian Men
The Most-Spoken Word: Sister (बहेन)
The Second-Most Spoken Word: Mother (मादर)

Doctor Thoo has published his reports in the papers with the headline 'Indian men - family men'. I so wish his machine could report on the words (read: word) spoken immediately after the top two Indian words.

23 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Dr. Thoo, you have taken away both of my most (ab)used words!

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  3. Heheheh! I can testify to that. ;-)

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  4. hmmm Indian men-family men! OMG!! :D :D

    .
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    shilpa

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  5. consider this:

    if madar**** and bhen**** are two most words used by indian men then shouldnt **** figure on top of the list?

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  6. @ Prateek - Na na.. Doc Thoo isn't taking anything away from you pal. You can carry on (ab)using. Betwee, I visited your blog... nice colors and the headline bit I already told you. I want to thank you for linking to me as a friend :)

    @ Dusted - We all can. Between, have you used any of those? I dont think you would have :)

    @ Shilpa - Hmmmm.. REAL family men. I am happy you come to read whenever I post something....

    @ Aditya - Well, your analysis sounds logical but it is not. That's because Maa and Behen go along in a lot of different combinations and with a lot of different words.. if you know what I mean... Whereas your word finds itself in just a couple of combinations... so, I am sure my Doc Thoo's estimate is correct... God... I hope my blog doesnt seem like one desi gaaliyo ka khaada... thank you for your visit :)

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  7. Kshitij, you're right - I've never used them, but that doesn't mean I've never wanted to!! ;-)

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  8. So I was wrong in what I thought so far... Is this true

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  9. @ Dusted - Do let me know when you unleash the weapons you've reserved... I'd like to know the cause, traget(s), mode of delivery, and retaliation. :)

    @ Farida - I am not sure what you mean Farida. This is complete fiction (if you're looking for that).

    What did you think so far? I came to your blog, read about your long grandmother story... and enjoyed reading it... but got lost toward the end. maybe I missed a point. Read in your profile that you love playing computer games. 'Shake hands, please'. I dont like the heavy graphic games.. I like the simpler ones like hearts, battle city, minesweeper etc more.

    Also read somewhere in your profile about god being smarter than you - loved that line. I hope I have some takeaways.

    lastly, thank you for promoting my post on Indivine. And now finally, thank you for visiting.

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  11. hi kshitij i am mani from ginger chai and fried eye. I had heard about your blog from Pramathesh too but i came across your comment in Shipa's blog about death. actually i was wondering if you could write for us in ginger chai.. about. ..Well first of all i would like you to have a dekho at whatwe are referring to .. then you will automatically get what we want you to write about.. The url is www.gingerchai.com and the series or section is survivors.. You can contact me at mani.padma@rediffmail.com for more details.And please this isn't a spammer

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  12. :) :) It is true that Indian men stand out in this regard.

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  13. @ Mani - We are talking on gmail, so no public response to you... except this.

    @ high - Thank you... coming first time? I welcome you.

    @ Ini - You are just the right candidate. While writing the post, I was thinking if the fact will hold true for men down south... so, tell me... what's happening there? same mother sister stuff?

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  14. Amazing stuff Kitty... loved this post of yours. Thoo...errr. .you are funtastic!

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  15. Thank you bro! Good to see you here.

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  16. :) :) oh yeah! I have heard similar mother-sister words in atleast two south indian languages. I am sure the other three or four south indian languages also will have matching phrases!
    I do admit that when I hear men around me use such words, it irritates me and brings out the feminist in me! But I do admit that your humrous writing about these same words make me laugh! This post made me realise that there is a humorous side to every thing on earth :)

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  17. Good. I like it! There is a humoros and even positive side to things... we need to search for it. That's why the other blog says - I Find Humor.

    You know, people don't really mean it when they abuse. Abuses are just harsh expressions I feel. At the same time I know they don't sound nice... but even women are onto it now!

    So... I dont know what to do. I don't see the situation improving, by the way.

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  18. Thank you Thank you fellow competitor... hahaha :)

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  19. EPIC!!! this needs to be twitted!!!

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  20. And you tweeted it... I saw that! Thanks.

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