Sunday, September 13, 2009

Button Ka Jeevan

Hi. My name is button. I have been with humans since the time they felt like covering their filthy bodies with clothes. I have gone through a lot. I have taken so much that it's not even funny anymore.

That's because I have been molested at each possible instance. I am psychologically harassed. I now describe my feelings:

a. My pain is overlooked - Have you seen fatsos wearing shirts that they are not supposed to fit in? I am talking about the spectacle where their body parts form convex impressions on the shirts they wear. What does one usually comment on seeing them - "Iski toh shirt phat jayegi". What the fuck? And I mean it... What about me? Did you realize that I was at more pain than the damn shirt? It was because of my tenacity that fatso was still able to wear something. And all I expected was for someone to say - "Iske button tootne wale hai". But... you guys are thankless; trust me.

b. I am made to feel less important - Do you realize how trivial I am? Laajo saw Bamman's shirt and commented - "Arrey.. Bamman.. tumhari shirt se toh button match hi nahi karte" What shit! Did someone ever say - "Tumhare buttons se toh shirt match hi nahi karti." I ask why? Dont I need to feel important?

c. I am a bad adjective - How do you recognize a tapori in Bollywood? Simple - "Tapori apni shirt ke button khol ke ghoomte hai". Is that fair? Why the hell am I being used to describe them? I am just doing my job.

d. I am mistaken for identity - So many people use my name to identify so many different things. I want to make it really clear right now. A SWITCH (and not me) is used for turning on the fan. A KEY (and not me) is pressed to receive a call. Just don't keep calling all the things you press 'button'.

e. I am illtreated by horny people - Give horny people a room with no observers. What do they do next? They don't bother to unbutton the shirts... they 'disbutton' the shirts. They just rip each other's clothes... dropping me on the floor.

f. I am often used while women disrespect their husbands - Channo to her hubby - "Gavaar! Apni shirt ke button toh lagana aata nahi naukri kya karega tuu?" What the hell man? If that hubby is a dumbass... why does Channo have to take my name while rebuking him?

g. They make fun of my name - My name is button. Simply - BUTTON. Lalu ji, I make this really clear; my name is not buttonwa... as in "buttonwa toh kholiye Dabri ji". Bloody gavaar. Did I call you Bhalu? Did I call your wife Baavdi? Why mutilate my name?

h. I am used in courtrooms to describe extramarital scenes - Advocate Goggi to the judge - "Judge saab mai aapse poochta hoon. Mulzim Tatiya agar apni padosan ke saath aadhi raat ko dekha gaya... aur uske button khulle paaye gaye... Toh iske kitne matlab nikalte hai?" As if it leads to just one thing. Can't it be possible that Tatiya was showing his tattoo to the padosan? Why make the whole issue extramarital? Moreover, why use my name in this adultery?

i. I am replaceable - You replace me when I dont fit the scheme of things with your shirt. Did you ever replace a shirt to fit me? Fuck off!

j. I am cheap - You need me... you go to the masterji in the colony. Then, if Masterji charges you ten rupees... you say "Masterji... mazaak mat karo. Ek button ke dus rupaiyye?" Ah! It hurts! Kya mai mazaak hoon?

k. I have been made dirty - You humans wash your hands after doing your filthy work in the loo. But there is something you do before washing hands and after doing the filthy work. What's that? Obviously, you button your pants. You realized something? Despite the hygiene you maintained, I always got touched by your dirty hands!

What kind of life is this? Don't screw me. Please only button me.
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PS: I think I am in a 'buttony' mood today. My other blog has got a similar story. Do visit:
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The above post won the first prize in the 'Best Blog Post (Category - Creative/Funny)' contest hosted by Achyut Kelang on his blog.

Find the details... and winners of other categories here:

46 comments:

  1. Lol! It's so amazingly hilarious! Very creative I must say..

    After reading ur post, mujhe ek "bechaare" button ke dukhon ka ehsaas hua..kitna dard hai uske jeevan mein..

    And the link u've made between the posts on both ur blogs is also wonderful..too gud!

    Attaboy!

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  2. ha ha ha!!
    I never knew smbdy could even write on buttons!!
    Awesome post man..! Keep 'em coming!

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  3. This one takes the cake. Loved it!

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  4. coooool post!
    very nice (lol)
    shilpa

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  5. @ Jamu - Thank you jamu. It is so nice to see you always there to read posts and leave comments and increase the page count. Btw...I am not going to Atta.

    @ Azad, Resham & Shilpa - Thank you shukriya meherbaani. Aap sab aaye, safal hui meri kahani.

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  6. Why don't you submit this post at indivine? It's really worth reading ;)

    shilpa

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  7. damn good post. Really cool. You have out done yourself.

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  8. @ Shilpa - Nothing happens on Indivine.. i had submitted something earlier... no one read... :) I am happy with u guys reading stuff here.

    @ Harsha - thank you thank you far too kind. I know i have to read that long story of urs... please give me one more day. you'll find me there.

    ReplyDelete
  9. @ Shilpa... i did.. giving another try. Thanks.

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  10. good one:)))... the Button (i respect u Mr./Ms.Button) is strangled to death by a fatso in an ill fitting shirt

    PNA

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  11. Nice! Don't know if others read it or not, i will definitely promote it, and my one vote will be counted as 2 coz of higher rank :).All the best for rest.


    shilpa

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  12. Meri aankhen hai ki button, maine yeh blog pehle kyon nahi dekha? I really liked your essay.

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  13. nice... you opened my eyes... i said sorry to all my buttons... but i guess they were too angry to say anything back ... hope chocolates and flowers do the trick...

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  14. cool post dude! now i know why buttons are the butt of all jokes. But, there's one button who is making all the buttons proud - Jenson Button - the formula one driver, who currently leads the F1 world championship.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi!
    Saw your blog in indilogger and followed!
    Am not very good in Hindi!
    So plz try to writ up something in pure english!
    Till what i have understood, this seems hilarious!

    Keep Smiling!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow... I never had so many comments; the feeling's gr8.

    @ Shilpa - man...u made me visible on the forum today. Tay dil se shukriya.

    @ Naveen jee - First time visitor? Please fill the form given on the left.

    @ P N A - Do you mean the thread is being used to strangle the button. If yes, shake hands. If no, am sorry.

    @ Pramathesh - Shhhhhhhhhhhhit. How did I miss 'aankhen hai ya button'...... aaaaah... i could have had a "I feel like a blind person"... aarrrgh. But, hey. thank you man.

    @ Rishi - Aa gaya tuu bhai? The buttons will give a butt to your chocolate and flowers.. 'replace all' kar de unko.

    @ Krishna - My man seems to be in F1 zone. Is he doing well this time? I dont follow... but can take a few names to not seem utterly alien. Thank you for coming back. Did you write after that. Lemme check. oh yah..i see something on US open...coming to u right after this.

    @ Shruti - Hey. I understand. In fact I know this would happen more than often. I dont know if I can make it really good in complete english. I am more comfortable in Hindi. Anyways, I thank you for visiting.

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  17. What is going to cost you by a mere try!

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  18. I have...

    - Ambulance Turbulence
    - Kaal Center

    I think they are in a shape easier for you to understand. There's one - Horny Porny...but I doubt you'd like it.

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  19. I got your reply.

    1) An award is a recognition of a kind. And that is all I that matters.

    2)This is the first time I have ever been awarded for blogging, so I m a little bit excited, and I misspelled your name. I have corrected your spelling.

    3)And the rules are no hardbound rules that you should follow. Just chill. And nominating can be done through a post just as I did.

    Add the logo through Add Gadgets. You can go an easy way by Add Picture, or by adding HTML/Javascript in the EDIT LAYOUT section.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hilarious!!
    And so very imaginative and creative!! I mean a post on a "BUTTON"!!!
    Damn amazing!! :)

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  21. Hey... Trivial subjects is all i specialize in. Thank you so much. And a double thank you for promoting the post on Indivine. Really u happy me make.

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  22. Hi

    You write pretty good... Uncomplicated, straight and funny.

    Now... Nobody likes my blogsite.... :-( Can you please do a couple of posts for my blog? Needless to mention, you will get no credits for your work....

    Love & Lust
    Sudarshan

    ReplyDelete
  23. I really dont know how i missed this stuff the first time. Youve got some really amazing stuff in here.

    You asked me for some suggestions and i have none. The blog is just amazing. Keep up the good work and stick to what your doing best. Cheers dude!

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  24. -Thank you Pramathesh... I got it thoda thoda. lol. Some people like me never learn.

    - Vinay sir... so you are here... ur occurrence here is rare... and let me thank you right there...

    - Sudarshan: I thank you... and then I thank you again. Let me come to your blog...and prove you wrong. You comment is so wonderful... am sure your blog is equally wonderful... Here I come.

    - Aditya, my moviie review friend. Finally you came... thank you so much man.

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  25. Good one man. To actually write and attach an 'emotion' to something as insignificant as a button. Damn. Only a select few may pull it off:p

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  26. That was a real interesting write up with a difference. my first time here but enjoyed it. Well Buttons are an important part of our lives and it sure deserves this write up.

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  27. Hey!!! seems like apna Kshitij has become a celebrity. You deserved it man!! Thanks for dropping by, just saw your comments,I was away from blogosphere for some days.



    Shilpa

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  28. @Kish - Thank you friend. Appreciate your appreciation.

    @Nitu - Welcome. Come again.

    @Shilpa - Do din ka celebrity... lol.. but thanks... it was your idea to post that on Indivine.

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  29. Really we should care about buttons,
    They help me a lot to keep our body covered,

    what a great 'Thoughts of Thinking'& creative you are.

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  30. Dude this is a hilarious blog I ran into...:D shilpa Sharma ask me to visit this post...and its excellent..:D

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  31. @ Shre Krishna - Thanks my friend. I appreciate your appreciation.

    @ Sid - I am really happy that you, of all the people, liked it... Hfff.. I am satisfied now! Shilpa is a cool friend - she's been a source of motivation.

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  32. ROFL - this is super creative, out-of-the-box, and reeeaally funny - would need to read your posts every day - this is going to work like a laughter therapy after a long and hard day..cheers!

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  33. Most welcome Gunjan :) That's the purpose!

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  34. Hey,
    Thanks for submitting this blogpost for the Best blog post contest- http://achyutktelang.blogspot.com/2010/03/best-blog-post-contest.html

    I am really impressed! A different way to look at a 'button' and in what detail..and with the added humour it makes your blogpost really good.
    All the best.

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  35. thanks Achyut... it was nice of you to hold that contest...

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  36. not only that, now I am following your blog too! :)

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  37. Woooohooo... I was so desperately searching for the 40th... :)

    Thanks man.

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  38. Results for the best blog post contest announced- http://www.achyutktelang.blogspot.com

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  39. ultimate..God!! never thot of a button so important....

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  40. @ Achyut - Thanks Achyut. Meant a lot.

    @ Swati - :), treat your buttons well now on.

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  41. Man...you are something else...this really takes the button....not cake ;-)..at least some respect i need to give the "button" now!!...the last point was hilarious..'i have been made dirty' ..LOL!!

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  42. This is your third post which I have read today... and Unarguably The BEST. Not from YOUR 3 posts but from many and I MEAN MANY posts I have read so far and have smirked on seeing 'those ' winning 'awards'..... Well I am not a judge but u are a sure winner.

    ReplyDelete

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