Thursday, October 20, 2011

Sallu ke Ullu

Salman Khan,

Hello brother. I wanted to tell you something, and I hope you and your bodyguards are ready for it.

You must be really happy these days. You have given hits after hits and broken records after records.

Let’s see – Wanted, Dabangg, Ready, Bodyguard… and coming up are projects such as Ek Tha Tiger. Of course, we know how this ek tiger would perform; don’t we?

Ok, time for a question. Did you watch bodyguard? Once, at least? Were you able to sit through? Did you feel like renaming it to torture?

Personally, I think I was better off watching the itchguard advertisement 300 times than Bodyguard once.

I think you know what I am going to talk about here. In hearts of hearts, don’t you know you’ve been selling crap to us for a couple of years now? And to top it all, you’ve been taking all the laurels in your state-of-the-art manliness.

However, in reality, any person with worthy intelligence can make out what you are doing.

Here’s the deal – you will portray yourself as a larger-than-life person, crack some stupid jokes, sing some good songs, walk like a maniac, and kick some ass… Oh yeah, then you will realize you forgot to add a story to the whole damn thing. And so what will you do then? You will put on your being human t-shirt and go to some TV serials… followed by random interviews elsewhere… and release the movie! And of course, it will sell!


After all, you have been able to gather a huge fan base that calls you bhai. Bullshit, bhai!

To serve you the starters – your movies, especially Bodyguard, are crappy! Let me rephrase it for you – in reality, you’ve been giving us shits after shits… And your shits are devoid of any sense and logic.
Do you know how expensive are movie tickets these days? An outing with one’s spouse to a PVR or DT Cinema is about 1.5 to 2k easily. Of course, that is plus the food and drinks that are consumed. In fact, it is worth noting that on days I watched your recent movies, food was the best thing that happened to me.

 Now! Don’t you think you ought to give us some good movies in return?

I know you are basking in glory for now; but, trust me, it won’t be long before people realize you’re just toying with them. Yes, you are actually taking your fans for granted.

Now, you might want to say that you are making masala movies… and public loves masala movies. But Salluji, you cannot sell crap in the name of masala movies. Can you?

If, in Bodyguard, you were not the hero… but, let’s say it were Saifu bhai. Do you know how badly the film would have done? Do you think a Saifu-starrer Ready or even Bodyguard would have sold? Ghanta.

Anyways, let’s not talk about Saifu Bhai for now. I’m sure he’s already pissed with you and Aamir. You guys took his girl and made your big sellers – Bodyguard and 3 Idiots... whereas, he doesn’t get any opportunities… and the limited ones he gets are only through the presence of the quota system.

Everyone knows you are the difference. And why are you the difference? Because of the fans. So, don’t you think you should give something more meaningful to these fans?

Your movie Dabangg won the best film award in Filmfare last year. I agree it was entertaining... but not the best that year. But again, that’s a personal opinion. Oh! On that note, this whole post is a personal opinion. Anyways.

Bodyguard was imbecile. Trust me. Don’t be happy it has done good business. In reality, your fans took money from their pockets and gave it to you. Keep it.

If you like being human, be human to you fans as well.



  1. :( :( :(
    Shahrukh Zindabad.......aaj se :(

  2. Bhai... iss article pe kisi ne koi jawab na diya... proves that Sallu bhai 'zindabaad' :)

  3. Mazaaaaa aa gaya. Sahi laga di sallu bhai ki. It's enough now......kuch meaningful banta hai bhai.
    Full rgds to u

  4. Mazaaaaa aa gaya. Sahi laga di sallu bhai ki. It's enough now......kuch meaningful banta hai bhai.
    Full rgds to u

  5. yes, Parv :) Correct!

  6. :) I agree with everything on this post. However, I do think that the masses - especially the underprivileged still enjoy watching such movies. Sad but true.

  7. I know. "underprivileged" is harsh :) Many of us do it. haha.
    But yes, such movies have their own fan base. I agree. And whatever provides them entertainment for the money they spend... so be it.

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