Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Typical Unique Person

My name is Chumbhi Kumdaar, and I live in Delhi. I am unique. I say this because of what I feel and do in Delhi traffic.

Delhi traffic makes me sick. It disgusts me even when I am not in it. I don't want to go anywhere now!

What if there is traffic on the way?

I have become abusive... people don't drive properly... they have no road sense... in fact, they have no sense at all. I hate them.

Here's how I tackle 'em when something goes wrong (read: when they are at fault... I am never wrong you see):

1. Pedestrians - I stare them like I'm the king and they are my slaves. At times, I steer the car toward them. Truly, I dont care if I frighten them. They dont have any right to be on the road. They are just meant to be scared. Damn, now I remember, they don't even pay road taxes.

2. Cyclists - I have a standard one-liner for them, "Saale andhe... yahi marna hai tujhe?" What good is a cyclist's life? Bloody hundreds of them do a tour-de-France from Khanpur to Okhla and keep increasing the level of frustration they cause every day.

3. Motorcyclist
  • (weaker than me) - "Dhang se chala le" - with full confidence and self-strength belief. These skinny motorcyclists are just too easy to handle. They roam around without helmet, licence, RC, Pollution... and without any respect for red lights. They don't deserve any respect.
  • (stronger than me... like huge build and broad shoulders) - I just stare. I know it's usual for glitches to happen in heavy traffic. I am a nice person and I don't enjoy staring or figthing others.
4. Carwalla
  • (weaker than me) - "Abbey o" should do the trick. If the person did not hear me, I could manoeuvre my car in his way... at certain angles... that tell him I am upset with his misdemeanor.
  • (stronger than me) - A polite stare is what I manage. I wish I could do more.... but, you see, the world needs peace.
  • (more than two men) - I don't even look at them. They didn't do anything wrong. They are good people.
5. Ladies + any vehicle - "Kyon chalati hai gaadi yeh auratein", is what I think... the typical male that I am. Why are they driving, will someone tell me?

6. Kids - I ask, "Kis bevakoof ne inn ko sadak pe faink diya hai". Ahhh! I don't want anything to do with an accident involving kids who could see but acted blind while checking out the tyres of a car (when they were moving of course).

So, that's my thought process... and that's why I am unique!

15 comments:

  1. I generally have a thing or two to say to those who'd get off their car in the middle of the road and argue with the peeche waala driver who might have bumped into aage waali car... All that aage waala expects is an apology (my assumption), but that's what he'd never get (no sexist lang here; only males do this stunt).... peechay itna lamba jam lagta hai jaise road mein 2012 film waala gaddha par gaya ho.... grrrr.....

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  2. aren't we all similarly unique...uniquely similar..whatever?! I typically get irritated when the car in front moves slowly (with either the driver answering a call or senior citizen) - and invariably on the fast lane. It gets worse when you decide to use the dipper to signal and is ignored. Then you honk...but not heard (there is too much noise on the roads anyway!)...so I lose my cool...hurl a few @#@$! abuses...find my way ahead (irresponsibly!)...and then, slow down in front of the same car...just to irritate...get some reaction..anything. Obviously...the levels depend on the categories mentioned (weaker, stronger, More than 2, ladeez, hot babe, Senior person...etc etc.)

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  3. @ MM & NEO - Yes... I can very well relate to it... You are talking about typical assholes I pointed out in http://dusht-ka-drishtikone.blogspot.com/2009/12/spot-assholes.html

    Gosh... this traffic situation and these unscrupulous people are giving way too much tension... bloody stress factors...grrrr...

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  4. Had a good laugh! Nice and simple narrative. Loved it man.

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  5. good one... I thought I was the only one with jihadic amount of hatred for fellow drivers, and pedestrians in particular...

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  6. @ Saras - Thank you Saras. Welcome here. I hope you stay.

    @ SUd - This is nothing dude. You dont know the chemical reactions that place inside my body on seeing indiscipline on roads...

    All boils down to creating H2SO4 that I wish I could throw on thouse rowdy fellows.

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  7. Whenever i am in Delhi i try to use the metro for as far as possible. Saves a lot of time! (and energy maybe!)

    Mr. Dusht, you fab blog deserves an award so please grab yours from here,

    http://www.prateekshujanya.com/2010/03/four-diamonds-prateek-shujanya-awards.html

    Congs!

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  8. Hey Prateek, what an honor mate. I havent yet been able to prepare my speech... But I thank you from all my heart for appreciating my work. I am proud to have you as one of the frequent vsitors.

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  9. very soon... final touches left... maybe tonight

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  10. This is 1 of the best posts! Can I publish it on my blog giving due credit to you and linking back to your blog?

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  11. Hey! I'm really glad you liked it this much... and much enough to post it on your blog.

    Yeah... go ahead dude. Send me the link once you're done.

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  12. Sure will do that. Since I formatted my PC a couple of days ago I am still busy in configuring it :(.

    But I hope the post would be up in 2 days. :)

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  13. Sure young man. And hope you figured and configured well...

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  14. Here is the post!

    http://vu-point.blogspot.com/2010/07/how-do-indians-behave-while-driving.html

    ReplyDelete

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