Monday, November 2, 2009

The Bang Data (BD) & GIJ


You see this man here? Anything you notice about him? Anything weird?

Well... His name is Choo, and this story is about him. Choo is from UK. You see the number on his forehead? 25? What is that?

This number, 25, is the number of times Choo has had sex after BD came into his life. He purchased the Bang Data (BD) software and was one of the first licensed users of the same.

About the BD Software - Invented by Japs, the BD is a software that counts the number of times a person has sex and displays that count on the person's forehead. With each session, 1 is added to the number and the forehead count is increased. How do you use it? Though I don't know the exact details... but you got to run the software on the system... then, wear some special headphones and stuff like that. That's not really important at the moment.

Back to Choo - Things seemed okay in the beginning... Choo's very private life was being made public... and Choo was enjoying it.

The sad times started when Choo realized he had been stupidly quick in disposing the software packet... which ironically contained the code to the uninstaller. Unfortunately, there wasn't another way the software could be uninstalled.

Sticking with a bang counter for the rest of the life? 'No way', thought Choo.

Six months had passed and Choo had become a laughing stock. Every news channel criticized the Japs citing Choo's situation in life. He had become famous but with a little 'in' prefixed to it. Moreover, Choo had become so dumb in the eyes of the public that his count never increased from 25. A stagnant personal life... viewable in public!

Anyways, Choo was not going to give up.

He first went to Japan hoping to find help. All that Japs could offer was another software to reset the count to zero. That did not help because he basically wanted to get rid of that counter... it didn't make sense to replace a number with another one. Additionally, a zero could make him even more despicable. Had he uninstalled the second software, the counter would revert to the original '25'.

Next, he went to the USA. The Americans experimented with him by making him do 'it' the other way round... hoping the count to reverse and disappear after zero—but in vain. Apparently, this thing was only a forward counter. What a software.

Third, he went to Germany. They offered a plastic surgery... but, it was later realized the count was coming from the skull and not the skin. They could not possibly replace the skull. So, the surgery was canceled.

Fourth, he went to Russia. They made a cap for him that would keep his forehead covered at all times. 'That does not really solve the problem', thought Choo.

He later went to China, but they could only manage a mask that exactly looked like Choo's face minus the number. Choo didn't like the thought of wearing a mask of himself. How stupid is that!
He went to a few other countries... only to realize those countries did not even know about BD. In fact, a lot of them thought this guy was crazy to have written a number on his forehead.

Tired... helpless... hopeless... there seemed no light at the end of the tunnel. Choo had already spent so much time (1 year) and so much money (10 lakh pounds) that it wasn't funny. Cursing the Japs, Choo decided to spend the rest of his life in stealth mode. He packed off and went to India.

It was Choo's first day in Delhi. He wanted to buy stuff for the newly acquired home. He was suggested the Palika Bazaar by his neighbors, who later made fun of him behind his back. Even their opportunistic dog didnt forget to bark at this stranger.

Anyways, at Palika Bazaar, in the first shop, having met the first salesman, Choo decided to start his home shopping. He started his act of surveying.

Most of the stuff he saw was extremely cheap for the utility promised. Five minutes later, in the computer section, Choo saw a duplicate CD. You know what it read? "The Great BD of Japan - Uninstaller"... for rupees 20 only!

That's when he learnt the powers of the Great Indian Jugaad a.k.a GIJ!

The above post was published by TechGoss on their Website. Link:


  1. You are a nerd!! Where do you get these ideas from??.... :-)

    "He had become famous but with a little 'in' prefixed to it." - Immortal line

    Thoroughly hilarious and engaging. Now, I can actually do some productive work during the day.

  2. You are fantastic! Honestly, where do you get these ideas from?? :-D

    Kept me hooked till the end, wondering what was coming up.

  3. People often mention nail-biting finishes, but this one deserves a new name... may be 'nail-biting beginning and progresssion, and a head-banging finish"... A laughing riot indeed...

  4. I did not think people would like this... but the thought was running wild in my head so I decided to go for it. I am glad you liked it.

    @ Sudershan - You owe some part of your salary to me. What's my cut going to be?

    @ Dusted - Thank you Maddy. I didnt think you'd like it... to be honest :) See, I do think of you before posting.

    @MM - Thank you. That's such a nice comment to have on this such a weird post :)

    For everyone who wanted to know where I got such ideas from... well... ummm... aaaaaa... These aren't ideas... yeh toh mera usual thought process hai... I have to THINK only to get ideas about stuff to eat for lunch... stuff to wear... etc etc.

  5. Me? Why wouldn't I like it? Hai re. Kya din aa gaye hain. You think I'm so lacking in a sense of humour?! :-D

  6. arrey nahi baba... i just thought yeh wala zyada eccentric hai... din achche hi hai aapke.. and better ones are coming... need to ask you something - will ask on mail...

  7. good post. Although, what is g.i.j? forgive me, my hindi is bad.

  8. 'The other way around' - hmmm! Smart software, good post.

  9. Do you actually sit and think about all this? I mean a device which counts and displays the number of times one has had sex? Or the plots for these crazy stories just popping up in that brain of yours?

  10. thanks doc and pap.

    Pap - I dont sit and try to think it out... all these weird things keep coming to my mind somehow... all the time i find myself imagining situations... and adding my cents to make stories out of them.

  11. ROFL.

    Great Narration Skills, I must say, you held me till the last line. The Power of GIJ, I guess.

  12. whoa..kahan se shuru hua and kahan khatam hua..good one..

  13. @ Pram - Thanks Ji. Not sure how I missed your comment.

    @ Tash - Haha :)


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