Sunday, January 6, 2013

Tormented

 Hi! My name’s Sammy (Samarth), and this is my story.

I was 12 years old. As innocent as they come.

It was summer vacations, and as expected, I was loving it. In the middle of the vacations, my mom told me that bua and phoopha (dad’s sister and her husband) will be visiting us. That was extremely exciting news for me. Well, because they always brought gifts.

So, soon enough, they reached us after an overnight train journey from Bhopal, their residence town. I hid all my excitement and behaved quite normally on seeing them. I touched their feet and quietly stood in the corner. However, in half an hour, I started getting impatient. They kept conversing with my parents and just would not unpack. At this end, I was getting extremely desperate for them to unpack and hand me my gift.

Finally, an hour later, they went to their room. And in five minutes, I followed them. I meant to make my appearance look like an accident. And it worked. Bua saw me and told me that she’s brought something for me. Hell, I knew that already. All I managed to say was, “okay”. Then, she handed me a green colored wristwatch. I fell in love with my wristwatch. The body of the watch was made of thick rubber, and the green was the army green. The watch looked solid and I was sure it would not break even if I dropped it. Great!

At night, the sleeping arrangements were such that Phoopha (I will call him uncle from here on) was to sleep in my room with me and my brother (who was 3 years younger to me). I don’t really remember why such arrangements were made. Especially when I clearly remember the aunt and the uncle had a separate room to themselves.

Anyways, I took the center; my brother was on my right, and the uncle on the left. We did a little chitchat and went off pretty soon. I remember last seeing the time as 12:43 in my new green watch. The watch slept next to my pillow.

Then! In the middle of the night, I was suddenly awoken by the uncle. I had my back toward him, and he’d grabbed my left hand. Then, he took the hand and made me hold something.

I can remember pretty well how the ‘thing’ felt. It was soft like a mouse and a little thick in size. I thought about it but could not identify what it was. It did not seem like anything I’d held before. The uncle did not know I was awake, and I kept acting asleep. He kept holding my hand and continued to make me feel that thing. I was a bit scared. But, honestly, I had no idea what was happening. It was a strange night.

<<Some years later >>

As I grew up, I continued to remember the happenings of that strange night. I never shared it with anyone. It was my personal secret. All that time, I did not even know if it was worthy of being a secret.

Anyways… I don’t remember how old I was, but one day it hit me! It hit me real hard. I suddenly realized what the uncle was up to. He had sexually molested me and made me hold on to his… you know! He molested a child is what I could mutter. I felt really odd. I am unable to explain the exact feeling, but I felt really sick. Yes, sick is the word. And from the day the realization came, there have been voices in my ears. My own voices probably. It’s like my world started echoing with some questions.

Did he do that to my brother as well? Did he do it to me again? What to do now? Do I tell this to anyone?

Did I enjoy it? What if I did? What if I felt bad for myself only because someone in my position is supposed to? What if I am going crazy?

 I felt sorry for myself. My mind was screwed.

<<Some more years later>>

The same uncle and aunt shifted to Delhi. They found a home in our society; my father helped them find one. I had lost all emotions for them by then, so, I hardly cared.

I grew up. But the memories of that night and those stupid questions remained with me.

I had started seeing a girl and did not open it up to her as well. I thought there’s no point. Deep down inside, I felt sick. Very sick.

A few years passed by, and this uncle got hospitalized. He had some major issue that I had no clue about. I still don’t know actually. I did not even bother asking anyone. However, I did get to know that he was being discharged the other day. My dad had asked me to drive to their place to see him. I hesitated initially but then went with him.

We reached their house, and it was total chaos. Seems like the uncle had fainted the moment he reached home. And everyone was in panic not knowing what to do. They decided to rush him back to the hospital. I had been a pretty good driver, so, they carried him to my car and asked me to drive. And I drove him back to the hospital. On the way, I clearly remember thinking of that night. But I drove real fast and the thoughts vanished soon.

At the hospital, he was declared ‘brought dead’. Yes, he was dead.

I walked away from the room the doctor made that announcement. I was not happy, not sad. I was indifferent.

Anyways, suddenly, surprisingly, after his death, the world was silent again. There were no voices anymore. No more questions that I needed to answer. Was this the end to my misery? It was a weird feeling. I would not have wanted him to die for this to happen, but that’s the way it did. In some corner of my mind, I felt a little relieved.

<< @^$&@%##*(!#>>

However, it was all too temporary.

Soon enough, all the thoughts came back to me. Just like old times. My mind kept bringing up the night and the ‘thing’ back to me, pretty well, yet again.

And all that had changed was that a new question got added to the list. Did god specifically want him to die in front of me?

The thought stays with me till date.

And everything haunts me till date. Why can’t I forget all of it?

Why can I still feel the texture of the ‘thing’ the moment I clench my fist? 

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This post was written by me as part of 35th Blog-a-Ton. I got no votes for this one as well. :) This was one of the rare occasions I tried to write something serious. I think I am better off writing humor stories.

24 comments:

  1. Good one ... I guess there are many such Samarth in THE SOCIETY :)

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  2. Yes, like Amit said, there are many...very often child molestation goes unnoticed to parents...some children open up, some are silenced and some grow with the bitter memories..
    Like your story,most are from the relatives, teachers :(

    Very hard hitting, well written. Except for a few lines which I think need not be written explicit, but maybe that's the way the protagonist kid would tell his story.

    All the best for BAtom!

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  3. A raw depiction of the child molestation which is rampant in our society . . The change should begin from each one of us . . The victims ought to raise their voice !

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  4. A very different story from the ones I've read till now.Quite a gripping portrayal of child abuse.Often kids who face such abuse are too innocent, confused and sometimes scared to speak of it.
    A well penned write up...good luck for BAT

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  5. This has been prevalent since old times, we need to educate our kids how to identify such instances.
    My son is 1 year old now, I will educate him when he is in the right age.

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  6. Hats of for taking this subject. Like many have alreday said - another rampant issue in our society. I wish children could be educated and made aware of the sitution, and how to handle it when faced with one.


    ATB for BAT

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  7. I hope this is fiction, but sadly it is somebody's story. As i was reading through, an episode from 'Satyamev Jayate' was flashing in my mind. I wasn't aware that guys face more sexual abuse than girls. You have brought out the tone and feel of the person, as if it was personally experienced, such a well told story. The questions keep haunting and though we wish we could turn it silent, they make the most noise. I hope the coming generation doesn't have to go through this

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  8. Apt description of another social evil in the society..Every nook and corner of the society is having such filth.very well articulated and a hard hitting post..ATB for BAT

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  9. its tough speaking or writing about such social issues but ppl need to acknowledge them and realize they do occur in our own homes.

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  10. its downright repulsive, this molestation specially from the ones we are taught to trust. Touching story and equally fantastic writer.

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  11. This time, its none of your witty poems. A very serious issue that you have taken up. Much has been said about the topic. I want to comment on the versatility of a writer that you are. You can handle both humor and seriousness very effectively. That's commendable.

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  12. Child abuse is child abuse, regardless of the context of the crime type or the environment within which it is committed....and social stigma and fear of being shunned and boycotted by society also makes the child reluctant to seek justice. Sad state of affairs but, very well penned!!

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  13. Child abuse is so much sad but yes, its happening in our country and we all must feel ashamed for these crimes. This makes the child not only frightened but locks down her mental activities through out her life! The child will always remember that shit and things would become very much difficult! Hats off for taking a subject like this!

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  14. Child abuse, whatever form it takes, causes one to grow old with a haunting past. a real hard hitting story with a gripping narration. All the very best.

    www.ratnibbles.blogspot.com

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  15. It is a failure on part of parents. They are not able to instil enough trust in their kids, who go on suffering silently resulting in several physical and psychological problems in their lives.

    Hard hitting narration!

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  16. @ Amit - You are always one of the first few to comment. Very encouraging. Yes, there are many Samarths in the society, sadly.

    @ Megha - Thanks for your honest assessment Megha. I understand where you are coming from when you say that some things don't need to be explicit. And I respect your opinion. The thing about teachers and relatives is pretty true.

    @ Maliny - Victims are kids. Parents need to create an environment where they are forthcoming about whatever is happening.

    @ Whisperingsilence - Thanks very much. I think most of the child abused victims don't know they are being abused.

    @ Evolving me - Very good thoughts! Go ahead :)

    @ Menachery - Correct! Children need to be educated. Thanks for your praise.

    @ Adreamygal - It has to be someone's story. Someone somewhere must be struggling with the questions I am sure. I hope it comes to an end. As mentioned before, parents have to play a big role. I didn't know about boys facing more abuse than girls. That's new to me. Thanks for the praise.

    @ Odyzz - Hey friend. Thanks.

    @ Chips from a life - Correct, buddy :)

    @ the factfiction - You touched a very important point about 'people who we are taught to trust'. Very important point. Fantastic.. ahemm. You are a fantastic commenter. :)

    @ Cherry blossom - Hey, such a sweet comment. And coming from such a cool writer. This is probably one of the very few occassions I tried something serious. I feel a little uncomfortable in this field. I like my stupid humor better.

    @ Panchali - Very true that. Thanks for the words. Am yet to read your post. Very soon I'll be there.

    @ Harikrishna - Mental activities locked down.. hmm, very true. And yes, often, the child often remembers the shit. Thanks so much for the encouraging words buddy.

    @ a Rat - That's an interesting profile name. Thanks for your comment.

    @ Meenakshi Malhotra - Yes, very much. Failure on part of prents. Psychologically, the kids are very hard hit. Thanks for the word.

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  17. You have certainly penned the story of the people like Samarth who live in this country. Its indeed sad but the strange part is that we can't do anything.Can we really? It is sad and difficult!

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  18. Child sexual abuse is so common - good to write on this topic!

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  19. @ Solitary - we can only try.. as parents. But yes, complete control is not possible. thanks for commenting.

    @ aativas - thanks.

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  20. I was waiting for the hilarious climax... I guess you are better off with humour.

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  21. I think I agree with you Aditya.

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  22. i have nominated you, do check the link : http://sameoldnewstuff.blogspot.in/2013/02/liebster-award.html

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  23. You reminded me of my "untold story" the one I wrote for Blogaton! :)
    A good attempt! I feel you shouldn't judge your writing with votes. I know it gives you a boost, but experiment always lets you explore!

    You might just come up with something really meaningful next time, which becomes the winning story! :)

    Regards,
    Megha

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  24. If you need your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up) you got to watch this video
    right away...

    (VIDEO) Get your ex CRAWLING back to you...?

    ReplyDelete

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