Friday, March 26, 2010

The School tRIP

The RDX International School is the best 'terror' school in town. It boasts of producing the finest of national and international terrorists.

Just for your information, only terrorists' kids go to this school. Parents, in order to apply for their kids' admission, have to submit the application form along with a proof that they (parents) are/have been 'wanted' by the police. Moreover, a 'reward' announced by the police on any one or both parents of a kid gives them preferential treatment... of course!

The school is organizing a trip for kids, and a note about the same has been sent to parents. Here is how it reads.
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Dear You Bloody Terror Parents,

Dhishoom dhishoom dhishkiyaon dhishkiyaon!

We have detonated a school trip for your 'future bomb' kids next month. We will first go to Pakistan, spend 15 days there, and then move to the heavenly Afghanistan. The most fun part will be the quiet and peaceful border shared by the two countries.

The whole trip is sponsored by the money received from the noble acts of extortions and kidnappings. So, you don't need to make any similar efforts and collect the money. Attendance is compulsory! Note that it is a great opportunity to see our bullets turning into grenades.

Some of the key activities of the trip will be:

1. Jigsaw Game: The kids will be taken to a nuclear power plant, and each will be given parts of a nuclear missile. They will then need to assemble the parts and create proper missiles.

2. Hide n Seek: The denner, instead of saying 'I spy', will fire rubber bullets at the 'hiding' kids. Whoever is hit first is the next denner.

3. Nursery Rhymes: We have a collection of lovely nursery rhymes that we will teach the kids. For example:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to keep an eye on the border,
Then Jack came down and so did Jill, on the commander's order!

4. Chess: We will play chess with real horses, camels, elephants, kings, and queens. The only variation from the usual version will be that this will be an all-out war like Mahabharata and not about moving here and there on those stupid black and white boxes.

5. Shooting Shooting: There will be a number of open-air shooting arenas for target practice. This includes the cool game in which some kids will keep apples on their heads while others aim and shoot.

All of the above are just a small part of excitement. There will be a lot more.

Oh… forgot to add - we will also teach your kids respect for elders. The kids will stay with our learned people who are hiding and staying in camps… there is truly a lot to learn from their experiences.

Excited? It's obviously a great opportunity!

Still thinking whether to allow your kids? You must read the note below.

NOTE: Parents not wanting to send their kids will be termed 'against' the community and shot dead. And even after that, we will still be happy to send their kids over.

Your consent will be much awaited... but only till tomorrow morning.

School misManagement,
The RDX International!
Our motto – "Bhadhaaaam & aaaaaaaaah, forever"
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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Typical Unique Person

My name is Chumbhi Kumdaar, and I live in Delhi. I am unique. I say this because of what I feel and do in Delhi traffic.

Delhi traffic makes me sick. It disgusts me even when I am not in it. I don't want to go anywhere now!

What if there is traffic on the way?

I have become abusive... people don't drive properly... they have no road sense... in fact, they have no sense at all. I hate them.

Here's how I tackle 'em when something goes wrong (read: when they are at fault... I am never wrong you see):

1. Pedestrians - I stare them like I'm the king and they are my slaves. At times, I steer the car toward them. Truly, I dont care if I frighten them. They dont have any right to be on the road. They are just meant to be scared. Damn, now I remember, they don't even pay road taxes.

2. Cyclists - I have a standard one-liner for them, "Saale andhe... yahi marna hai tujhe?" What good is a cyclist's life? Bloody hundreds of them do a tour-de-France from Khanpur to Okhla and keep increasing the level of frustration they cause every day.

3. Motorcyclist
  • (weaker than me) - "Dhang se chala le" - with full confidence and self-strength belief. These skinny motorcyclists are just too easy to handle. They roam around without helmet, licence, RC, Pollution... and without any respect for red lights. They don't deserve any respect.
  • (stronger than me... like huge build and broad shoulders) - I just stare. I know it's usual for glitches to happen in heavy traffic. I am a nice person and I don't enjoy staring or figthing others.
4. Carwalla
  • (weaker than me) - "Abbey o" should do the trick. If the person did not hear me, I could manoeuvre my car in his way... at certain angles... that tell him I am upset with his misdemeanor.
  • (stronger than me) - A polite stare is what I manage. I wish I could do more.... but, you see, the world needs peace.
  • (more than two men) - I don't even look at them. They didn't do anything wrong. They are good people.
5. Ladies + any vehicle - "Kyon chalati hai gaadi yeh auratein", is what I think... the typical male that I am. Why are they driving, will someone tell me?

6. Kids - I ask, "Kis bevakoof ne inn ko sadak pe faink diya hai". Ahhh! I don't want anything to do with an accident involving kids who could see but acted blind while checking out the tyres of a car (when they were moving of course).

So, that's my thought process... and that's why I am unique!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Game Over, Name Over

Baskar-Hai-Tauba (BHT) was the new face of terror. They had 3 executives in all and claimed to be growing strong by the minute. Anyway, the fact that they had big plans made them quite dangerous.

The story began when BHT threatened India about spoiling it's Commonwealth Games to be held in 2010. India beefed up the security but still goofed up.

The whole workforce of BHT (3) somehow managed to enter Delhi. Their plan was to spread terror by killing sportspersons... which would mean that the rest of the world would not find India 'safe' for the games... and the games would get canceled! This would be a tremendous boost for the reputation of BHT.

The targets chosen by BHT were the local sportspersons who had begun practicing a month before the actual event.

Now, BHT chose the 'practice' time over the actual event time for multiple reasons:

a. they did not have a huge manpower to plan big operations.
b. high security was expected at the actual event.
c. and most importantly, it was a known fact that practicing sportspersons seldom got high security... they were easy targets.

So, the day arrived... and the BHT men, loaded with knives and guns and other weapons, entered one of the Commonwealth Stadiums...

BOOM...one killed
BOOM...two killed
BOOM...three killed ...all killed

No security, no nothing, just innocent sportspersons... and still, the whole of BHT was killed! Terminated!

BHT men had entered the arena where sportspersons were practicing 'shooting'.

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